My Story I

Along with food I am also addicted to Diet Pepsi.  Actually it started with TaB, remember that?  They still make it even but I can't get it where we live now.  When I lived in a city I could get it by the 2 liter bottle and once a week I would buy the store out.  I needed three 2 liters a day so yah, add it up.  I hid it in the house and hid the empties like an alcoholic hiding his stash.  I didn't want anyone to know how much I drank of it.  Why did I drink so much?  The carbonation filled me up.  I learned this at home when I still lived there.  If I drank a lot of carbonated soda I wouldn't be so hungry.  If I wasn't hungry I didn't have to listen to my father say "eating again?"  Mind you, I am nearly 6' tall and a the time weighed no more than 140#.  I worked hard all day in a nursing home then took care of my horses after.  But this set me up to start binging on the soda and eventually sneak to eat.  And of course it was nothing good because he'd see me.

Ok fast forward.  I was prego with number 2, had an infant, married to another child who would disappear all the time and still binging on the soda but this is when it got the worst.  I was lonely, isolated, had no friends with children (plus really, I don't like kids so never had any real friends with kids), the friends I did have abandoned me and we lived in a neighborhood of retired persnickity people who were more worried about how things LOOKED (case in point, my clothesline behind my house that no one could see unless they went behind my house) than actually allowing anyone to just live there.  My neighbor blamed my two kids for everything and had a fit if their tricycles touched their driveway etc.  It was like living under a critical microscope so I learned to stay inside and stuff it down with food and soda.

I gained 60# with my first kid. I asked my Dr. if I was gaining too much and she said "Oh no, enjoy it, it'll come off".  First one born I weight 220#.  Well, here I am 22 years later "enjoying" it still!!!  I then got pregnant right away and added to it.  By the time all is said and done I am AT LEAST 100# overweight.  I don't recall what my upper level ideal is but I am almost positive it isn't 180#.

So yah, we moved to the farm.  I thought oh good, freedom to be outside, work to be done, grow my own food etc.  Well, in the end it didn't exactly work that way. I'll go into that in another post.